As someone who is still very much on the path to adulthood (and who still feels pretty far away from that at times), I appreciated getting a bit of a trail guide from a recent Q&A with legendary professional coach Jerry Colonna.
You are an adult when…
- You still hear the voices (telling you it’s their fault, telling you you aren’t good enough, that you are better than someone else), but you just don’t pay attention to them anymore.
- You always try to live up to your values, but you know that when you fail, you forgive yourself. Time to try again. That’s why values are always aspirational.
- You understand that life doesn’t happen to you. You are the director.
I first learned about Jerry from Tim Ferriss’s book Tribe of Mentors (and excellent podcast interview), but it was a treat to hear more from him as part of an event at the company I work with (come join us).
The skill that is featured in the book, and that he is maybe most famous for, is how to practice radical self-inquiry (goes well with radical acceptance too), starting with this question:
“How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don’t want.”
…and then going deeper with this second one:
“What benefit do I get out of those conditions (i.e. the ones that I don’t want).”
These are difficult questions to answer honestly.
Adulting is hard.
A good reminder that everyone needs help (so get your own coach)!
Comments welcome!